The Acceptance of Rudeness in the Workplace

By Sandra Ford Walston

            "Good morning!" I remember when this was the obvious greeting to start the office day. It may have been followed by a casual inquiry as to how the evening before had gone for you, whether everyone was well in the family, and so on.
            Today I have noticed that this pleasant opener is lost somewhere in a sequencing of such impersonal events as booting up the cubical computer, browsing the e-mail messages waiting from the night before, searching out that all-important cup of coffee or even applying fresh make-up. Perhaps the one person who acknowledges your presence yawns in your face and grabs a Kleenex or pencil from your desk without asking, or even saying “thank you.” The receptionist or fellow peer breezes past you, shooting, “Some guy called ten minutes ago about an order not being ready. I didn’t get his name but he said he’d call back sometime.” You’re ready to start your day . . . and you feel it’s already half over. Where has a little civility gone?
            We have all come to accept this and more as general workplace routine, a matter of course for the day. Most of us would say it hardly fazes us. Yet perhaps we’ve also noticed a lack of work enthusiasm, and even more subtly, an ebbing of loyalty to our company, our co-workers or even our chosen careers. The “in-it-for-the-long-haul” attitude that some would say ‘made this country great’ is missing. I contend that common courtesy and simple manners, gone the way of bustles, one-speed bicycles and black-and-white TVs, could do a lot toward redefining the workplace environment as a place of willing and generous productivity.
            Those of us who were raised with manners have gotten lazy. In our laziness, we’ve raised a second generation of individuals who are simply and often sincerely ignorant of such values as respect for others, kindness, generosity and common decency such as holding the door open for the person following you. These are not dated “old fogy” concepts. They take little to no additional time or energy. Their returns are great. Yet those who deal in them stand out like sore thumbs. . . oddities in our homes, our communities and most certainly in our workplaces.
            It is true that rudeness runs the gamut throughout the day in forms of: not remaking the coffee after you’ve taken the last cup; to not cleaning up after eating your brown bag lunch in the lunch room that just happened to have mustard and mayon­naise all over the baggy; to belching on your way out the door and not saying, “Excuse me.”
            If you start asking people around you about their perception of the acceptance of rudeness in the workplace, they will probably tell you that all of society is a lot ruder than it used to be, and what goes on at work is a reflection of that acceptance.
            So does this mean you must accept these actions? Experts suggest that rudeness reflects a lack of respect for peers or a lack of understanding about acceptable manners in the workplace. It seems that today’s business climate has introduced numerous opportunities for rudeness to prevail than ever before. Rules and regulations are now being made to curb the use and appropriateness of email.
            As individuals con­tinue to feel debilitated by mergers and acquisitions, downsizing, layoffs and
re-engineering, the disregard for each other as human beings continues to deteriorate the emotional fabric of our society.
            In tough times, the tough managers tend to get tougher. They make the employees feel they must accept the rude behavior (better known as workplace abuse). Of course, this in turn makes the employees feel more insecure and less apt to challenge the rude be­havior when they are confronted with it. Ask anyone who has suffered from a downsiz­ing and you will probably hear him or her express a rude approach to the whole process. Addi­tionally, with so many people out of work or in transition, most feel uncomfort­able chal­lenging the inappropriate­ness of rude­ness (and the bully).
            Not everybody agrees on what rude behavior is in the workplace or what the effect of poor communication skills may have on the outcome.
            Still, most people agree there are some behaviors that would make everyone’s list of work­place rudeness. Here are a few:

• You act as though you are the only employee in the office—making demands on everyone’s job.
• Leaving a dribble of coffee behind so you won’t have to brew the next pot.
• Co-workers are having a loud and raucous dis­cussion while you are trying to work on your computer.
• The people who con­stantly feel it’s their God-given right to pester you anytime they want.
• Peers treat your Kleenex box as if it is public domain.
• Someone else takes credit for your sugges­tion or idea.
• No one ever considers saying, “thank you,” “please,” or “you’re welcome”.
• Your boss rolls his or her eyes in a meeting after you’ve made a com­ment or suggestion, allowing everyone to see it’s OK.
• Your boss or cohorts do not deem it necessary to give compliments, even when your task has been above the call of duty.
• Knowing you have body odor and doing nothing about it.
• Never opening the door for someone who has his or her hands full.

            Most workplace rudeness stops short of forbidden behavior. So how is rudeness to be rooted out?  It seems that before our society makes a declaration that these behaviors are acceptable in the work­place, we need to establish a standard of civil conduct, and begin by setting an example to enforce the manners. One point is for sure, avoidance is not the solution.
            The best approach is always to confront the issue by expressing your concerns in terms of how it affects your work. Most people do not know they are being rude; therefore, keeping your boundaries is critical when dealing with a rude behavior. What I observe as I conduct train­ing programs in both public and private sectors is that most folks need to learn new ways to communicate and interact. Learning to communicate directly with each other without doing permanent damage to the relationship is one of the first steps.