FREQUENTLY
ASKED QUESTIONS
- What
is courage according to your book?
- Your
book is about the "everyday" women, not the famous and legendary
women we read about. What are your reasons for focusing
on common women rather then famous women? Why do "everyday"
women not think of themselves as courageous?
- Why
did you write this book?
- Why
don't women show courage?
- What
brings out courage in a woman, that is, what taps that reservoir?
- In
what ways does language play a role in integrating courage?
- How
does the concept of women as courageous relate to honoring
women on Mother's Day?
- What
is the cost to a woman for not being aware of her courage?
What does she lose by not harnessing the feminine energy?
- How
can men be supportive of courageous women?
- Sandra
says, "The virtue of courage has not been perceived
as feminine; this is a societal aliment." If women
claim their strength and courage, in what ways would that
benefit society?
- Do
you (Sandra) see yourself as courageous? Where do you most
easily see that?
- As
a woman, what strengths do you consciously call upon in
the "defining moments" of your life?
- You
speak of a three-step process for integrating courage, could
you go over the three steps?
- When
I think of courageous women, I think of Joan of Arc or Oprah
Winfrey. Why did you focus on everyday women in your book?
- The
subtitle of your book is Reclaiming the Forgotten Virtue.
Why is courage the forgotten virtue?
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What is courage according
to your book?
I can share with you what it is and give you a few
examples. First of all, courage is the first of human
virtues because it makes the other virtues possible—Aristotle
believed this and so do I.
For over three years, I interviewed qualified women, women
who identified themselves as courageous. My research distilled
12 behaviors of courage. What was interesting was their
stories of courage had certain aspects in common. The
same themes such as conquering fear, speaking up, or overcoming
loss, maintaining faith, kept coming up. I ended up with
the 12 behaviors of courage on the "Source Wheel." I illustrate
each of these behaviors with a real-life story. A few
brief examples would be:
-
It takes courage to let go of denial
and face the truth about an illness or loss.
-
It takes courage to have faith when
hope seems gone, to remain strong and determined in
the face of setbacks.
-
It takes courage to acknowledge fears
and vulnerabilities, to admit being afraid.
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-
Your
book is about the "everyday" women, not the famous and
legendary women we read about. What are your reasons for
focusing on common women rather then famous women? Why
do "everyday" women not think of themselves as courageous?
First, our folklore has not been kind to women. Many of
the women that we think of as "everyday" or common would
have achieved notoriety and fame if society knew their
heart and spirit.
For example, Paul Revere rode a horse through a town on
one night yelling, "The British are coming!" Our society
heralds his courage. During that time of his ride, how
many common women also had acts of courage?
The reason why we don't know these behaviors is because
society did not recognize their acts as courageous, nor
did they claim them. That's why this book is so important.
When you read about courageous men, society recognizes
it.
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Why
did you write this book?
I had gone through the normal bumps, obstacles, and changes
in my life that all human beings go through; however,
one particular event occurred that made me think about
the ingredients I use to keep going. I discovered I always
use or drawn upon a critical, but silent source of energy,
which of course is courage. This virtue makes me get up
each morning and try again.
These normal events made me ask the question: "I wonder
if other women consciously use this energy?" Maybe
I should ask them? What gives them strength to get up
each morning and keep going—very different from men—no
platitudes, no gripper, no WWII charges.
I wrote this book to help EveryWoman understand what courage
really is, why society rarely recognizes women as courageous,
and why such recognition is vital to knowing ourselves.
I work with women on how to reclaim a powerful virtue
they already possess—courage!
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Why don't women show courage?
Women do show courage, they just don't recognize their
behaviors as such. Many times when women show their courage
they are labeled by some unflattering word to keep them
down or they catch hell in some way.
You know society and women themselves under-appreciate
courage in women. Also, women do not talk about courage
or stake their courage, much less pass this virtue on
to their daughters. In today's culture, the word courage
is used to describe dealing with physically dangerous
situations. I take the word courage back to its origin
corage, meaning heart and spirit. Courage is the
forgotten virtue because women do not recognize their
everyday actions as significant.
The book salutes courageous women. It is the answer to
the problem of the lack of recognition of women's courage.
It is a celebration to the unsung courage in the every
day woman.
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What
brings out courage in a woman, that is, what taps that
reservoir?
It's not what causes or triggers women to be courageous;
the courage is in them—it was always there. The premise
of the book is that women can reclaim courage by understanding
the Source Wheel—the 12 behaviors of courage. As
far as what "brings out" courageous acts or thoughts in
women, it's the same as men: there is a mighty need for
change. In other words, something demands attention-a
new way of thinking or doing. The old ways are not working
and comfort must yield to possibility.
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In what ways does language play a role
in integrating courage?
Words and language play a great role in what we believe
is possible for women. By the 12th century, virtue in
Old French was vertu "desirable male qualities,
worth, virtue, or virility." In Latin, virtue was virs,
or energy. Virtue and virile are links to men. This suggests
that if women aren't virtuous they can't be courageous.
If we sex-link attributes through language, such as "manly
acts" (implying women cannot be courageous), then society
tends not to recognize courage in women.
[TOP]
- How
does the concept of women as courageous relate to honoring
women on Mother's Day?
Any day that honors women in any way is an opportunity for
us to understand and value their hearts and spirits. Mother's
Day is perhaps the ideal occasion to expose and reclaim
this strength.
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What is the cost to a woman for not being
aware of her courage? In other words, what does she lose
by not harnessing the feminine energy?
That can range from a life of mediocrity to a life of
pain and suffering, depending on the situation. For the
woman who does not speak up and state directly why she
is qualified to be the COO (Chief Operating Officer),
there is a missed opportunity. For the woman who misses
the opportunity to stop her husband from preying on their
daughter, an unimaginable blow to her spirit that can
lead to dis-ease. The woman who faces a life-threatening
disease recognizes a peaceful night sleep as a distant
memory. The woman who can't remember happiness in her
soul dies a slow, dull death of spirit. When you don't
recognize your potential for courage, your spirit erodes.
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How
can men be supportive of courageous women?
Men can learn to recognize those acts or events in a woman's
life that require risk without physical valor: when a
woman asserts herself to a superior at work; when she
takes on two jobs to keep the family afloat in tough times;
when she puts herself in the limelight to point out injustice,
even at great personal emotional or material cost. We
all need to step outside the parameters of tradition to
realize this "new" definition of courage.
[TOP]
- Sandra
says, "The virtue of courage has not been perceived as feminine;
this is a societal aliment." If women claim their strength
and courage, in what ways would that benefit society?
The more that women recognize the energy of their courage,
the more society will break from its stereotypical understanding
of courage as physical or daring. We learn from the models
around us. When you explode the myth that women can be courageous,
it gives women permission to be courageous. Everybody knows
that role models help people achieve higher goals. With
a wider definition and acceptance of courage as a feminine
virtue, the greater the possibility of raising sensitive,
concerned, caring, and open-minded children—both male
and female—in
a society that seems more and more to have lost its sense
of the humane.
[TOP]
- Do
you (Sandra) see yourself as courageous? Where do you most
easily see that?
You bet I am courageous! Just getting up each morning, knowing
my survival depends on my performance that day takes courage.
I face adversity head on when I compete against the famous
authors and large publishing houses. I see my courage in
my choices. I turned down "big" agents to start Bona Dea
Publishing (Italian for Good Goddess) so I could control
the creative design of the book. My choices paid off, I
received an award from the Colorado Independent Publishers
Association. Overall, I am unwilling to let anyone but myself
design my life.
[TOP]
- As
a woman, what strengths do you consciously call upon in
the "defining moments" of your life?
Courage is a source of energy that I draw upon in those
defining moments. Aristotle believed that courage is the
first of human virtues because it makes the other virtues
possible. I implement my courage by speaking up to express
what I feel. I used courage to reinvent myself when, as
a baby boomer, I started my fifth career as an author/publisher/speaker.
The courage to manifest a vision was a driving force in
my five-year journey to write and publish my book. I expressed
the courage of strength and determination to not roll over
when, at the very end of my journey, at the last minute
I had to fire the technician who was typesetting my book
for printing.
[TOP]
- You
speak of a three-step process for integrating courage, could
you go over the 3 steps?
The book provides an innovative three-step process to integrate
courage. This process allows women to understand and reclaim
the essence of their hearts and spirits—the
origin of the word.
- Step One is Self-Discovery: this process requires
you to discover the patterns of behavior that are keeping
you from creating the life you desire—the
things that scare you—many
times these are unconscious and instinctual in behavior.
You make a list of the things that paralyze you or make
you feel ashamed—the
things you don't share—the
shoulda, coulda, woulda's. I refer to this task to action
in the book as the "Stepping Stones in My Life." Such
as overcoming a childhood illness, giving a child up
for adoption, confronting your husband when you think
he might be preying on your daughter (choosing to move
to a new state with the man you are to marry). Once
you have identified the habits that are holding you
back, you can take the second step.
- Step
Two includes sourcing the Source Wheel—going
to the diagram on page 90, take that list and sit it
right next to the Source Wheel, and identify those actions
on the chart that you want to reclaim. The chart identifies
the actions to get started to consciously commit to
changing your life. This is the heart of the book—Part
3. It reveals the years of research and interviews of
the women-their stories, their action steps to source
their courage, and the benefits for doing so.
-
The final step is to identify one or two actions on
the Source Wheel that you will incorporate into your
daily routine to reclaim courage—this
requires taking action—today!
This isn't going to be easy. You've already made a list
of things that are difficult for you. But the three-step
process looks at a very overwhelming problem, and successfully
breaks it down into small pieces that can be conquered.
Changing
the way you use language is an important part of taking
action. It may require changing your conversations with
your friends-applying the courage to be vulnerable.
This is not easy, but you have decided consciously to
do it, such as giving your child up for adoption. This
behavior and subsequent action is not what we would
normally characterize as heroic in women, and yet the
absence of it is debilitating. Not all of us are Oprah!
This also shifts cultural norms-the key is first changing
your own behavior to courageously reclaim the female
energy-that collective feminine energy will take off,
just like when an airplane hits that speed that they
have no choice but to take off. In The Wizard of Oz,
the good witch said, "You've always had the power my
dear, you've always had the power!"
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When
I think of courageous women, I think of Joan of Arc or Oprah
Winfrey. Why did you focus on everyday women in your book?
That's the point—most
people do acknowledge Joan and Oprah. Frankly, I focused
on the everyday woman because there was not enough folklore
that establishes and defines the feminine behaviors of courage.
What's interesting is that Joan of Arc was burned at the
stake for speaking her convictions—the
lesson her story teaches us is that strong women get burned!
Oprah on the other hand challenges daily the long-held myths
of the past. Her role model example gives other permission
to do the same. This is the first step to shifting cultural
norms—this
is part of step one in the three-step process for integrating
courage.
I just saw a bumper sticker: "Well-behaved women rarely
make history." What does that tell you?
In time, society will recognize women's collective courageous
acts and banish the unwritten rules that keep women from
realizing their personal courage. This is why it is so important
to refashion our own scripts and images that clutter our
minds. By doing that, we can courageously reclaim the female
creative power.
[TOP]
- The
subtitle of your book is Reclaiming the Forgotten Virtue.
Why is courage the forgotten virtue?
Courage is the forgotten virtue because women do not recognize
their everyday actions as significant. My book is a practical
guide for women to discover and integrate courage into their
lives.
Reclaiming courage means you operate at the next level.
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